Saturday Night Laugh-track

I was watching the latest Dana Carvey SNL and I have to say it was pretty good. They brought out some of the old favorites like Church Lady and Wayne's World, while bringing back old cast members like Mike Meyers and John Lovitz. It was really good to see actual comedy on a show that has basically been living in a cesspool mostly devoid of comedy.

John Lovitz said it best in the opening song, the difference with every other cast and theirs was "acting." That's the problem with the current cast, they don't act. They pull what I call a "Tracy Morgan," they play themselves. Hardly anyone acts anymore, puts themselves into a role and loses themselves. That doesn't sound fair to the current cast. Even if they did act, it wouldn't be funny because the current cast isn't funny.

Sure, Seth Meyer is pretty good. Jason Sudekis has some pretty excellent moments and Andy Samberg can be funny if kept somewhat contained, but everyone else is pretty weak. If comedic talent was a measure and 1000 was the top, I'd rate this cast around 250. That's the bottom 25%. That means 3 in 4 jokes fail. That means 3 in 4 skits are not funny. That means 3 in 4 shows just plain suck. And that's not far fetched, it's a reality.

Lost Cause

I just finished watching the latest episode of Lost and it refreshed my opinion of what I think the worst element of the show is. It's not the fact that each episode answers a handful of questions and then poses 50 more. It's not the incredible amounts of stalling where nothing happens in episodes. No, the thing that I hate the most about the show is the character, Kate.

Kate irks me to no end. No matter what the situation is, Kate will always go against it. Jack and Sawyer will go off into the jungle on a good hunch that what they're doing is important, but they know it is going to be dangerous. Jack will refresh this belief by saying something to the effect of "Kate, no, I need you to stay here. It's too dangerous." Of course, Kate immediately retorts in an almost whiny fashion but then somehow agrees to stay put. Only she never does stay put. She always follows the group, gets captured or causes the group to get captured, and always manages to foul things up. This situation happens so often that Jack's catch phrase has become "Kate, no, it's too dangerous."

If that was all that was happening, I'd shine it on and get on to the next scene, but there are so many other things that Kate does or is responsible for that just ends up being awry. In the recent episode Jack takes up Faraday's quest to detonate the bomb and prevent the plane from crashing and saving the lives of all the passengers of the plane. Good idea right? Wrong, Kate thinks it's a bad idea... Why? Probably because she is selfish and wants to stay with Jack, only she pushed him away when he was going through a rough time with the drugs and all... but wait... then she decides to get herself captured again and winds up messing up Sawyer's tea party with Juliet on the sub.

In past episodes, she's been hit with darts and had to be carried by Jack.
She's also been captured in almost all of her back story episodes. Once she gets captured by her bank robber friend who is following her plan. Just prior to that, she betrayed him and her own plan to yet again go against anything that would remotely resemble a well thought out idea.
Then there is the time when she is captured by agent who inevitably gets her on the plane to begin with just prior to the show's opening episode.
And don't forget that time she gets captured in a net with Jack... I'm pretty sure that was her fault as well.
Oh yeah, and that time in court when Jack had to be a character witness to save her yet again from her own stupidity. The list goes on and on...
Does Kate ever stop being a complete idiot? After a while, you think that she'd get the drift that almost every idea she's had is a complete waste. Kate is the worst character in the show.

Who is your least favorite character on Lost?

Super Woes

It's no secret that I have been watching a lot of Superman related media the past month or so. A friend of mine turned me on to Smallville and out of curiosity I branched out to practically all other Superman related paraphernalia including comic books, graphic novels, TV shows, movies, and shorts.

This brought me to writing this blog and what will be known as my first of many "Worst Lists."

Here are the runner ups:

Smallville

Some would argue that the show is one of the best delineations of the comic than any other moving picture representation. I would disagree. What's different in this rendition of the classic superhero? Well for starters, Smallville is now in its eighth season and still no super suit. Now, I don't really want to see a grown man in tights and a cape, but there has to be something better than putting Tom Welling in a blue shirt that is two sizes too small and an off-hue red jean jacket. Sometimes, they even mix it up and throw on a blue jean jacket instead! Horrible. What else is different?

• Lois Lane is now played by a flabby stripper who makes it her business to date virtually every other male character (save Lex) and single handedly force me to spam the mute button.
• Lana Lang in the comic book is Superman's high school sweetheart and in the movie Superman 3 she is superman's girlfriend. In Smallville, however, Ms. Lang (played by Kristin Kreuk) is actually Clark's bleeding vagina, and is the cause of much discontent. She also steals much of the show's airtime in the first 7 seasons, drawing the viewer into useless subplots that are nothing more than a ploy to engage the young female viewers. Don't even get me started on the 'She's a witch' plotline.
• Chloe Sullivan is a new character to the franchise and created solely for Smallville. The character is more of a Lois Lane then the actual show's Lois Lane and in the first 6 seasons remains a constant reminder of why some of us don't keep in touch with our high school 'friends.' In Season 7 and 8 however, she becomes a love interest for a young Jimmy Olsen.
• In the comic book Jimmy Olsen is a young photographer that teams up with Lois to get the latest scoops. In Smallville he is now played by what appears to be a middle schooler, but somehow remains to be one of the most realistic and authentic characters.
• Oliver Queen/Green Arrow is not a mainstay in the Superman series, but many will notice his credits on the JLA comic franchise. Smallville highlights a unique character that although screams homosexuality, seems to constantly fall in and out of love with the ever single/slutty Lois Lane.

The show is built on a foundation of 1/4 trendy bullshit and 3/4 teenage angst, even though the characters supposedly left high school 4 seasons (years) ago.

Superman and the Mole Men

Circa 1951, and in Black and White, Superman is transferred to the silver screen for one of the first times. The plot consists of Clark and Lois traveling to a small town (name unimportant) to write a story on the world's deepest oil well (plot unimportant). Peril hits the town (and story) as the drilling strikes a secret cavern where the Mole Men live. After many an angry town mob sequences and ugly monster rebellions ensue, Superman is forced to play monkey in the middle and saves a Mole Man before taking the brunt of a ray gun and punching out a townsman stating "it's better than you deserve."

Unlike any of its predecessors and successors, there is no comedic flair to the movie and it is acted with an almost laughable seriousness. The Mole Men, the source of much paranoia for the movie, are seen as furry monsters with bald heads and posses the ability to touch something and make it luminescent at night. OoOoOoooo.... Scary... This of course sends the town into sheer peril and sparks a riot. Classic SciFi response, right?

It's a Bird... It's a Plane... It's Superman
A short-lived Broadway musical and later straight-to-TV movie, the musical follows Max Menkin... Wait, what? Who? The character doesn't exist in the comic and oddly enough is the main character to this travesty. Max is an egotistical Daily Planet reporter who's envy of Superman manifests into hatred.

The main villain of the musical is Dr. Abner Sedgwick, a nothing new/interesting character that takes the place of the Lex Luther persona... Rumors are that the creators of the musical didn't want to pay DC for the rights to use the Lex Luther character... and rightly so, on Broadway, the musical was a complete bust.

In what is supposed to be a comedic approach to the role of Superman, it is hardly about Superman at all. The only comedic responses derived from this are how bad the music, script, and acting are.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
What do you get when combine bad writing with bad acting? This show.

Dean Cain's "Slater" (see Saved by the Bell) version of Superman includes all the pitfalls and woes of the Superman Franchise: A gay man in pastels. From his high pitched voice to his awkward cod piece, Cain creates a unique rendition that is better watched with eyes and ears covered.

Lex Luther is no longer bald, instead supporting an ugly shock of dirty brown/red hair. His almost lewd fixation with Alexander the Great is still in full swing and as a bonus he gets a trained falcon sidekick that kills pigeons.

Teri Hatcher, as Lois Lane, reminds me more of a cousin then a love interest for Clark Kent, which doesn't hinder their marriage plans... Her physical "hotness," however, is the only redeeming side of the show, and is in fact the only positive trait that comes to mind.

That being said...

There are so many choices, but like the hit movie Highlander, there can be only one.

And the Winner (loser) is....

It's a Bird... It's a Plane... It's Superman

Who doesn't want to see Superman sing while battling generic Chinese acrobats (played by Caucasians) and lying on the couch for a psychiatry session? At least the others were mildly entertaining.

Two words: Epic Failure.